


I may be crazy, don’t mind me

by Sumthincool



Series: In love with the shape of you [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Drinking, F/M, First Time, Oral Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Shy, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-01-17 09:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12362955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumthincool/pseuds/Sumthincool
Summary: Xiumin works for mafia leader kyungsoo but you don’t know that, xiuming wants to keep it that way and as long as both his and your own focus is on you he'll be able to keep it that way.You are a painter who’s uncomfortable in your own skin, you can’t believe someone who looks like that could possibly be interested in youThere will be sex in later chapters and I’ll update the tags when that chapter gets posted(Just to be clear, the arempted rape tag is not for Xiumin. He’s the good guy in the story)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive any spelling mistakes and/or grammar mistakes I don’t have a proof-reader and I’m posting in a hurry.

Xiumin grabs your arm as you walk past, pulling you down onto the couch. He was sitting so his back was against the arm of the couch and his legs were spread out in front of him so when he pulled you, you landed between his legs. Your left arm was pressed against his chest and he lifted his leg under your knees to keep you from being able to get up easily. 

"Xiumin!" you exclaim, your wide eyes meeting his. 

He smiles at you "What? You fell"

Your eyes narrow at him "Like hell I fell. You pulled me."

"I think I'd remember if I did that" He says, laughing as you swat at his chest. His smile fades as you try to move over and he gently stops you, pulling you against his chest and wrapping his arms around you. "Why do you always move away?"

You tense up. It's not that you don't like being close to him. Its just he's so incredible looking and sweet that you don't understand how he could possibly like you. You were just you, average at best, and he was a creature of beauty. And when he touched you he left you burning with desire, when he held you it took every ounce of energy not to throw yourself at him.

Actually you considered yourself below average, your hair was always a bit frizzy no matter what you did to it. You disliked the freckles across your nose that were visible no matter how much makeup you tried to cover them with. You were shorter than almost everyone you knew and because you were always sitting for your work as an artist, you had a hard time with your weight. You always seemed to be 20 pounds heavier than you wanted to be and you were very insecure about that. 

You shake your head and push away from his chest "You know I'm uncomfortable getting close to people" you lie.

"Right..." He says, very hesitantly letting you go. "well maybe I can help you with that?"

You shake your head "I don't think so"

"Can I try? You know I won't do anything to scare you. You could just turn towards the TV and lean against me?" He says, tipping his head to the side as he looks at you.

You look down at your lap, damn this boy for being too nice, how could you keep a clear mind with his chest against your back. You look up at him about to say no but when your eyes settle on his face he looks so worried your mouth says "Okay"

'Fuck, fuck!' you think at yourself. But he looks so happy that your heart melts a little.

"Thank you for letting me help" He says, hugging you quickly before pulling his arms away. "Oh, sorry."

You nod and stiffly start to shift yourself around 

~*~*~

EARLIER 

You were literally bouncing next to Xiumin, unable to contain your excitement as he read the receipt for the paintings you just sold. The were your best works, most of your fan art was, and you had been lucky enough to have the actor of your favourite show buy the paintings.

"I got a picture of him next to the paintings to!" You exclaim as you pull your phone of your bag. You find the picture and hand him your phone.

He looks at the picture for a while, still walking down the street with you. "And that one is your favourite one in the show right?" He asks, looking at you as he hands you the phone and receipt back.

"Yes!" you almost squeal, hugging your phone to your chest.

He smiles at you as you bounce in excitement again. "You're right, this is definitely worth celebrating. And, lucky for you, I know the perfect place."

He grabs your elbow and turns you down a creepy looking ally. Like one of those ones in movies where the two happy young people end up being attacked by something in.

"Xiumin?" you ask, looking around nervously. "This looks like a great place to be mugged or murdered in but I'd really rather not die today"

He laughs "Don't worry I'll keep you safe"

"Great, where do you work security again? A mall?" You ask, using humour to cover your fear.

Xiumin laughs again as he lets go of your elbow to open a steel door. As soon as he turned the handle you could hear the music from inside pouring out. A comedian once described the beat of club music as a cat trying to be sick and that was basically what the music sounded like from the ally. You smile at your thoughts as you walk into the club.

Xiumin follows you in, his hand pressing against your lower back as he leads you into the club, the music steadily getting louder as you move forward down a narrow hallway. The hall opens up into the club's dance floor, the bar is on your right of the dance floor and the tables are to your left. He points to the tables and you nod, not hearing what he said. The two of you are going to have to navigate through the crowd to get over there which would be much more terrifying if you didn't have Xiumin beside you. 

Despite your frumpy appearance drunk men still attempted to feel you up when in these kinds of places. Xiumin's chest is suddenly pressed against your back and you freeze up, mid step, almost causing him to trip over you. His hands grab your waist to keep you moving, pushing you forward through the crowd of people. Your body is so tense because of his close proximity you're not sure how he's still getting you to move forward let alone weaving you through the dancing people all around you.

He was usually good to keep his distance, you had him fooled into believing that physical contact made you uncomfortable. In reality it was because he was so attractive you couldn't think straight when he got close. 

You honestly didn't know how he ended up being your friend after that horribly awkward first meeting. The two of you had liked each other on some dating app and you had been convinced he had liked you by accident or on a dare from his friends. But when he messaged you first asking you out for coffee you couldn't risk missing out on seeing if he was as good looking in person. To your horror he was somehow even better looking than any of his pictures. You were so shocked that someone this attractive was sitting in front of you and talking to you that you could hardly form a full sentence. Xiumin had been perfect though, he didn't try to force you to speak and filled all the silent moments with interesting stories. He didn't even complain that you had to focus on your coffee cup instead of looking at him when you did manage to speak.

The two of you make it off the dance floor, the speakers pointed towards the bar so the volume was slightly lower as you got closer to the tables. He leans in so you can hear him "get us a table, I'll get some drinks" 

You nod and walk out of his grasp. He let his fingers slid off your hips as you walked away, making you a little weak in the knees. You focused on finding a table where you'd actually be able to hear each other speak so your mind didn't overthink his actions. You know you're not his type, you personally didn't think you were anyone's type, but definitely not his type. You had known him for a little over a year, there is no way someone like him would wait that long for someone like you to be comfortable enough with him to even suggest the idea of dating. No, he was just a good friend. 

You find an empty table and sit down so the dance floor is to your left, that way you can wave Xiumin over but you aren't directly facing the distracting cluster of drunk people grinding on each other. 

Thankfully he doesn't take long to get back with drinks. He places one in front of you before sitting directly across from you.

You smile and pull your glass closer to you before saying "So, how many desperate women shamelessly flirted with you while you were ordering the drinks?" One time when the two of you had been out you mentioned that every girl in the area tried flirting with him, since then the two of you made it into a game to see where he would be hit on the most.

He chuckles "Oh, so many. Honestly I lost count"

"Any of them your type?" You ask, looking over at the bar and seeing at least 5 women glaring at you.

He shrugs his shoulder while he sips his drink, after swallowing he say "Not really"

You look back at him "What is your type anyways? You've never told me and you always say none of the girls that flirt with you are your type" Something is different about the way he's looking at you but you cant quite pinpoint what it is. 

He shrugs one shoulder up as he looks at you. "I guess I like the challenge of a girl who isn't throwing herself at me"

His eyes have been locked with yours for too long and you feel your face starting to get hot. He lifts his drink to his lips and you have to look down at your glass to think straight. You wonder again how someone that attractive could be your friend.

"S-so.." You stop yourself, clearing your throat to cover the stutter. "So you're saying you like girls that play hard to get?"

You can still feel him looking at you as he takes a deep breath before he answers you "No... I like girls that are shy enough to actually be hard to get without them playing head games."

You peak up at him and see that crooked grin on his face that means he knows he's making you blush. That grin is a killer one, you feel your heart skip a beat every time he uses it. But right now your heart jumps into over drive. 'Is he implying he's attracted to you?' you think to yourself before lifting your drink to your lips and taking a big gulp.

"You disapprove of my tastes in women?" He asks, leaning back in his chair and tapping his foot against yours under the table.

Still gulping down your drink, you slowly meet his gaze. You can only keep eye contact with him for a few seconds. You put down your now empty glass and look into it as you speak to him "No.... I... You just seem like the kind of guy who should be dating runway models or movie stars."

His chuckle makes you glance up at him quickly 

"Naw, those girls are too superficial for me. What I'd really like is a girl with a heart of gold, who's maybe a little nerdy but I can still persuade to do kinky things in bedroom with me" he says

You sputter, face a deep red "Why would you say stuff like that!?"

He laughs "Just so I could get that reaction from you"

You glare at him as he smiles at you. "Well if that's how its going to be you better be getting me another drink before my head explodes"

He laughs as he pushes away from the table and walks back to the bar. You wait till he's burred in the group of dancing bodies before you press your hand to your heart. You couldn't tell if he was joking that entire time or if what he said held some truth. You did originally meet because he had liked you back on some random dating app your other friends insisted on signing you up for. And despite being the most awkward person on earth he still spends as much time as he can with you. Even if you have art projects to finish he comes by and watches you paint so its not like he didn't like you as a person. But could he like you romantically? 

You look back towards the bar and see Xiumin walking back with a tray of shots. Could you be clueless to his affection because of your insecurities?

Just then you notice there is a girl following him back to your table, he has one of his arms held out to keep the girl off of him but she clearly though he was offering his arm to help her walk without falling in those ridiculous shoes.

You lift your eyebrows at Xiumin and he just presses his lips together The silent communication between the two of you told you he wasn't trying to bring her back here but she wouldn't get off of him. He shrugs out of her grasp and sits down across from you.

The girl is babbling about something unimportant when Xiumin cuts her off "Right, anyways Lindy, this is the friend I mentioned earlier when I was trying to let you down easy. Her and I are celebrating and I'd be a huge dick if I dragged her into this bar then left with you for a few minutes of disappointing sex." He looks at you "Right?"

"Uhh... Yeah?" You ask, surprised. No strike that, Shocked that he is saying no to sex with this woman who is actually quite beautiful, so he can stay with you.

The Linda woman looks like he just slapped her but her expression quickly turns to rage "Seriously? You are saying no to me for Her" she puts as much venom into the word 'her' as physically possible.

You nudge your glasses up as you look down at the table. You knew she was saying that because Xiumin was a 10 and you were like a 4. You had been so excited about the sale you made that your hair was still up in its messy bun and your hands were still covered in paint. You knew he was obviously out of your league.

You see Xiumin's hand clench into a fist on the table. "I'd spend a life time picking women with beautiful hearts over bitches like you" He says. 

This was the closest to being mad you'd ever seen him get and honestly he was kind of frightening because he became very calm, and a silent rage was much more terrifying than a loud one.

The Linda girl huffs and stomps her foot down clearly ready to have a tantrum over how he was treating her. She opened her mouth to have a go at him but she’s cut off by xiumin. 

“I said no. Now go look for someone to boost your self esteem somewhere else” xiumin says. He’s not even looking at her as he talks so he misses her face turning dark red before she turns and storms off towards the bar.

You, on the other hand have been so wrapped us in her dramatic departure you didn’t notice xiumin move into the chair right next to you. His hand lands on your shoulder and you jump slightly at the sudden contact. Your wide eyes land on his face and notice he’s looking at you with a worried expression.

“I’m so, so sorry. What she said was uncalled for and I really didn’t mean to have her follow me back here” he says, his fingers pressing into your shoulder as he gave you, what was meant to be, a comforting squeeze.

“Ah” you say, waving your hand “it’s nothing a few drinks can’t cure”

He leans in closer and lowers his voice “you know you’re far more beautiful than that plastic bitch right.” He asks. His breath on your neck making your head spin.

You give an uncomfortable laugh and look away from him to cover up the blush that’s burning your face. “Right…”

Xiumin sighs and reaches across the table to pull the tray of shots closer, he places one in front of you then downs one himself before leaning back in his chair and slipping his arm around your shoulders. 

You tense at the casual contact but power through it by lifting your glass towards him. “Here’s to forgetting plastic bitches” you say, not daring to make eye contact. 

He chuckles and grabs another glass to clink against yours. And you both take a shot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots happens, it may need to be edited at a later date.
> 
> Also there is swearing, I didn’t put a warning for this in the first chapter

After downing the shots you offer to buy one more round before leaving the club, Xiumin try’s to convince you that he should be paying because this was a celebration of your career victory. You just hush him and head down to the bar.

After the horrid lady had left and you had lightened the mood with your silly toast Xiumin had seemed determined to make sure tonight was a fun one. And even though you had to keep declining his offer to dance you were actually enjoying yourself. With your light buzz and the flow of Xiumin’s stories of drunken incidents with his work buddy Suho, he soon had you laughing so hard you had to hold your sides to ease the pain. 

Just before leaving the table you noticed he had a slight blush setting in on his cheek bones, you weren’t sure if it was the drinks or if he was embarrassed from telling you those stories. Either way it was a little surprising to see the pink.

Xiumin was your favourite person to take out drinking because after a few drinks he’d get silly. And silly Xiumin was the most fun. The only side affect was that he also got close after a few drinks, and you can’t handle that very well. Having his arm around your shoulder and his hand touching your knee was too much for your brain. So going to buy the last round had been a way for you to move away from him and put a task in your mind so you didn’t over think his actions.

You get to the bar, after the rather difficult task of moving through the dance floor, lean forward and shout your order over the unnecessarily loud music. The bar tender, with apparently super hearing, nods and moves to make the drinks. You turn to look at the dance floor, wondering how on earth you are going to make it past the cluster of bodies that seem to be throbbing to the beat. 

You frown you yourself and suddenly there is a man next to you, he’s too close and is secreting a ‘I’m looking for someone easy to fuck’ vibe. You groan internally, knowing this guy is about to ruin your mood.

“You look upset babe, is there something I can help you with?” He all but slurs.

“No thanks” you say shuffling to the side as you turn to face the bar again.

“Don’t be like that, I’m sure there’s something I can do for you” he says, inching closer. 

You can feel his unwanted gaze on your body, but thankfully the bartender hands you your drinks. “I’m actually here with someone so I should be getting back” 

You grab the drinks and turn around, ready to force your way across the dance floor but he stops you by stepping in front of you. You looks up at the man, feeling minuscule as he looms over you. 

“I don’t mind if your friend joins us” he says, his lips pulling back to expose his nasty yellowed teeth. 

“I-I don’t think my friend or I would be interested in that” you say, trying to hold your ground and get back to Xiumin. 

His disgusting smile faces and a violent side of this man starts to rear its head. Clearly he’s not going to take rejection well. His hand shoots out faster than you can react and he grabs your wrist, causing you to spill half the drink on yourself before dropping the glass. 

“Listen hear bitch,” he hisses through clenched teeth. “You should be grateful I’m even offering you sex, you know how few men like overweight women?”

A hand lands on the mans shoulder and you stumble as the man is pulled away from you. Xiumin is suddenly between you and the yellow toothed man. “You okay y/n.” He asks over his shoulder. 

You don’t have time to answer because the yellow toothed man is lunging at Xiumin, yelling “who the fuck do you think you are?” 

Xiumin pulls a gun from who-knows-where and points it and the yellow toothed man’s head, sopping him dead in his tracks. “I’m the friend she was talking about, and I’m here to say that neither one of us will be going home with you. And if you ever put a hand on her again, you’ll lose it”

Your mind is screaming questions ‘where the fuck did he get the gun? Since when was he this bad ass? And WHY DID THE BAR TENDERS NOT REACT?’ You are frozen in the spot, not that you’d know what to do if you could move right now. You just watch Xiumin gesture for the man to leave and the yellow toothed man flee from the bar.

Xiumin turns to face you, tucking his gun away. He takes the second drink from your hand and places it on the bar before he checks you for injury’s with a worried expression on his face. “Are you alright?”

“What just happened?” You ask, staring at him wide eyes and slack jawed. 

He just takes your hand and starts pulling you towards the exit, you follow him out, waiting for him to explain anything but once both of you are outside he just keeps towing you along. 

“Xiumin?” You ask, hoping to get answers

He looks over at you “you’re soaked, come on, my place isn’t far, I’ll lend you something to wear.”

“What happened in there?” You ask, not paying attention to what he just said. 

“I thought I was saving you from a creep.” He slows his pace so he can look at you while he’s talking “did you hear what he said to you?” 

“Yeah I did, but where did the gun come from? Do you always carry a gun?” You ask.

“Yeah most of the time” he says, looking both ways before pulling you across a street.

“What? Why?” You ask, shocked to just be finding this out about your friend.

He stops walking and looks down at you confused. “Why are you so surprised? You know I work security”

You look at him exasperated, and all but yell “I thought you worked at some mall or hotel!”

He grins as he leads you up to a door and punches some numbers into the keypad next to the door. It isn’t until he’s pulling you through the dark hallway that you think yo ask where you are. 

“Uh, xiumin?” You ask timidly, “where are we?”

He unlocked another door and flips on a switch as he pulls you inside. “My apartment, where else would we be?” He watches you with amusement as you look around for a while before you realise he’s still holding your hand. You try to pull away but he’s already dragging you into another room.

When the light flicks on you realise you are in his bedroom. You can feel the heat rising into your face as you stand awkwardly by his door. He’s let go of your hand and is now on the other side of the room looking through his closet. Your eyes slowly move across his room towards his location. You are surprised by the amount of cameras and camera stuff he has in his room, he’s never mentioned this hobby before. 

Your eyes finally land on him and your brow furrows in confusion. “What are you doing?” You ask.

He chuckles, “I’m looking for something you can change into.”

Your eyes widen. “Why?” You ask nervously. 

He walks over to you, a shirt and pants over his arm. You have to resist the urge to back up. 

“You’re soaked… did you not hear me when we left the bar?” He asks, a smile playing with his lips.

You look down because he’s just too attractive right now for your fuzzy mind to handle, and you’re hoping he thinks you’re trying to remember what he said at the bar. After a moment you say “I guess I didn’t hear you…”

“That’s okay” he say. “Come here, you can clean up in the bathroom”

He walks out of the room and across the hall, turning the light on as he walks into the bathroom. He puts the clothes on the counter and pulls out a fresh towel and facecloth for you “Uh…” he starts, looking around himself “I think you can find everything you need, just shout, I guess, if you need anything.”

You nod, meeting his eyes for a moment. His eyes sift from yours and his hand comes up to catch some of your hair between his fingers. “You have beer in you hair… maybe I should show you how the shower works.”

When he reached out to you, you felt your heart leap into your throat but somehow managed to not flinch away. But now that he was turned away from you, showing you how to use his shower, you felt the urge to run away rising in your chest.

He must have seen you panicking in your head or heard you breathing pick up because he turned to face you asking “are you okay? Is this too weird for you?”

You nod stiffly 

He runs his hand through his hair. “Okay… just so I know, what part of this is making you uncomfortable? Are we too close right now? Or is it the idea of showering in my house?”

“Showering” you say, your hands are now curled into fists at your side.

“Is there anything I can say that’ll ease your mind? I mean, there is nothing to worry about, the door locks, not that I’d walk in on you anyways. And I don’t have cameras in the house… well I do, but they are all in the bedroom” he shakes his head. “That sounds weirder than it was meant to” he sighs and looks up at you, his eyes had drifted to the floor after he ran his hand through his hair. “What I mean to say is, I’m not trying to see you naked, I just thought you’d be more comfortable if you weren’t all sticky for the rest of the evening”

You watch him as he talks, he looks almost flustered? Or maybe nervous? And it’s somehow calming for you to see him like this. He was right to, being sticky for the rest of the time you two would be hanging out would be super uncomfortable so you bite down on your lip as you muster up your courage. “Well, if the doors lock….” you say in a small voice.

His eyes light up, clearly happy he hasn’t scared you away. “Of course!” He practically hops over to the door to prove that the door locks. “Okay so soap and shampoo are in the shower and your towels are on the counter so you should be good right?” He asks, slowly backing out of the room as he talks. 

“Should be” you say, still standing awkwardly in the middle of the bathroom.

“Okay, I’ll be in the living room with snacks and movies when you’re done.” He says backing completely out of the room, pulling the door closed as he leaves. 

You walk over to the door and check to make sure it’s locked before starting the shower. You really don’t want to be naked in his bathroom but it’s too late not to back out. So you strip and shower as quick as you can so you’re spending as little time naked as physically possible. 

You were uncomfortable being in the same building as him when you were completely clothed so this was almost embarrassing. You knew he couldn’t see you but you had spent so much time hating your body that you were panicked at the thought that he might see you the way you did. 

You sigh at your own thoughts as you dry yourself off and quickly pull on the cloths he was lending you. They were surprisingly large. Surly he didn’t wear cloths this big? The shirt was quite loose on you and you had, like, boobs and whatnot. You frown to yourself and fold up your beer covered clothes, setting them on the counter before heading out to look for Xiumin.

‘I’ll be in the living room’ you repeat in your head ‘like I know where your living room is’ you wander around a bit before deciding calling his name would be the best way to find him. “XIUMIN?” You call loudly.

“Yeah?” He answers from right behind you.

You jump, clasping your hand to your heart as you spin around “Jesus fucking Christ!” You exclaim. 

“Sorry,” he says, trying to hold back a laugh. “I saw you walking away from the living room and realised you’ve never been here before. So I came over to get you”

You notice his eyes rake over you quickly before he grabs your arm and leads you back to the living room. He had snacks covering the table, like way too many for two people to eat, a candle lit on a side table on one side of the room and what looked like the beginning of a blanket fort started on the other side of the room. You eyes him suspiciously as he let go of your arm and walked over you the pile of blankets. 

“Xiumin?” You ask, getting him to look back at you “What are you doing?”

He looks around. “This is too much isn’t it?” He asks, looking back at you as he asks the question.

“Yeah a little” you say. 

He scratches his neck, looking sadly at his half built pillow fort. “We can just sit on the couch then”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a 100% chance i’ll have to edit this tomorrow but I figured you guys would like an update. I really have to stop writing so late.
> 
> Update: It has been edited, it wasn’t actually as bad as i thought so i didnt change much.

~*~*~  
So here you are, on Xiumin’s couch, your back against his chest, loosing your freaking mind. And he was trying so, so hard not to make things uncomfortable for you. You just couldn’t get yourself to relax.

“Is there anything I can do to make you ease your shoulders down?” Xiumin asks softly, genuine worry in his voice.

You shrug slightly, you didn’t want to flat out tell him no when he was trying so hard, but you honestly couldn’t think of anything other than moving away from him.

“Not even a shoulder massage? I’ve been told I’m very good at them” He says, shifting slightly behind you.

You swallow hard. “I…I don’t know…”

“Do you want me to try or do you think that’ll make it worse?” He asks. 

At least he didn’t sound upset by you being uncomfortable with him. Pretty much every guy who tried dating you had been mad at your discomfort and when you explained that you just didn’t trust them yet the would rage before breaking up with you immediately. And that only added to your mountain of trust issues.

“You can try but its probably going to make it worse” you say. You honestly wish it will calm you down because your back and neck are starting to ache.

“You know…” He says as his hands softly ghost over you shoulders, like he’s testing to see if you’ll pull away. “It’s kind of hot seeing you in my clothes.”

You blush, eyes growing wide before you hide your face with your hands so he cant see the red that’s burning your cheeks. “You can’t sat that when you are rubbing my shoulders”

He chuckles “You get uncomfortable when I complement you anyways so I figured it would be better to say it while I’m trying to comfort you”

You had unconsciously leaned away from him while he was talking to you and didn’t notice till he moved up against your back to pull your hands away from your face. 

You were shaking your head behind you hands when his chest pressed against your back and his fingers wrapped around your wrists. You froze in the spot feeling his is chin resting on your left shoulder and his breath on your neck. Your heart was thudding in your chest as he softly pulled your hands always from your face. You bit down on your bottom lip hard as you turned your head away from him.

“Y/n…” He said, barely louder than a whisper. “Don’t be afraid”

You felt his fingers bush the side of your neck as he swept your hair to the side. Your breath hitched in your throat. Your eyes clamped shut as his hand softly cupped the other side of your neck. If it was even possible, you seamed to tense up more as he leaned into you.

Then his lips touched your jaw, right below your ear. You flinched but his hand on your neck stopped you from moving away from him. He paused for a moment before moving his mouth lower on your neck and kissing again. Your head was starting to spin and you realised you haven’t been breathing for several minutes. He presses one more kiss into your neck before leaning away from you. 

You take in a shaky breath, your mind screaming incoherent nonsense at you. You can’t move, you can’t speak, you are just frozen in the spot. 

“Y/n?” He asks. You think worry is coating his voice but it’s hard to tell when your mind is still trying to figure out what happened.

“Hmm?” You manage to hum, and it sounds tense even to your own ears. But at least you made a noise.

“I’m sorry, you were just tense and in my clothes, with the smell of my shampoo in your hair. I couldn’t help myself.” He says.

“W-Why..” You clench your hands into fists to stop the stutter. “I don’t understand why you just kissed my neck, or why the shampoo and what I have on had to do with it”

He’s quiet for a moment and you fear the ‘breakup moment’ is about to happen to your friendship. You close your eyes again and try to calm your breathing and silence your mind.

Suddenly his arms are around you and his chin is on your shoulder again. “Haven’t you know I’ve been in love with you this whole time?”

You sake your head, rejecting the idea before it can settle in your mind. “You cant be in love with me...”

“I cant be in love with you? Why not?” He asks, sounding amused. 

You frown. Asking yourself again what the fuck is happening. “N-No… that’s impossible, I mean look at you. And then look at me, there is no way someone like you can be in love with someone like me. It would be like a lion falling in love with a lamb.”

“And I’m the lion?” He asks, apparently ignoring everything else you just said. 

“Yes but that’s not the point.” You say, moving away from him so you an look at his face, how could he be saying these things? Was he drunk? Did he take something while you were in the shower?

His face reviled nothing. His eyes weren’t rimmed in red, his pupils weren’t over dilated, and he looked sober. 

“What is the point?” He asks, watching you but not stopping you from moving away.

“The point is you’re too attractive to like someone as frumpy and average as me!” You say, exasperated.

“Average?” He asks, looking bewildered at the use of that word. “You are not average. You are beautiful, and brilliant, and talented. I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

As the word ‘beautiful’ falls from his lips you have to look down, but it doesn’t help because you can still feel his eyes on you. “I’m not beautiful, the women you ignored in the bar was beautiful”

You glance up at him when he doesn’t respond right away and see he’s looking at you with his nose scrunched up, the way it does when you say something gross or something he doesn’t agree with. “No she was plastic. She was society’s expectations of a woman her age. She’s is one of thousands and none of them have a single original though in there heads.”

You close your eyes as this becomes a little too real for you. 

“Did I say something wrong?” He asks, placing his hand softly on your knee.

You shake your head. “I’m just having a hard time accepting that you genuinely like me.”

He’s silent for a moment, your eyes are still closed so you miss the sad look on his face but you don’t miss the tone in his voice.“Why?”

“Because of the lion and the lamb thing.” You say.

“But you aren’t a lamb. You are just a lion raised by sheep, not yet aware that you don’t fit in because you are so much better than those around you” he says. 

You slowly look up at him. “You think I’m a lion?”

“I think these metaphors are getting strange but yes.” He says, smiling at you. 

You smile, looking down at your lap. “Okay so I’m a lion who has just figured out I’m not a lamb, even though I was razed as one, and now have no idea how to act like a lion.”

“That’s okay, you’ve got me to help you, and I don’t mind your lamb-ish behaviour.” He reply’s. The smile that is pulling at his lips is one you don’t see often. Its not brought out by things he finds funny or amusing. It’s the one you see when he talks about something he loves.

A dark corner of your brain wonders if this is the kind of stuff he brings into the bedroom or if its just the only way he can think of explaining who he thinks you truly are. You quickly push the thought down and focus on his smile, horrified that your brain would go there.

“Right… but I’ve been raised as a lamb so its going to be hard for me to learn to trust you” you say. 

“That’s also okay. Make me work for your trust. Make me show you I’m not tricking you. Make me walk at your pace until our gait matches. I’m getting too into these metaphors but I want to do what you are comfortable with and nothing more.” He says, his eyes are watching you like he’s worried you’re about to bolt out the door.

You can feel yourself frowning in confusion. This was a lot of information to take in all at once. First he likes you and now he wants to be with you but at a pace you’re comfortable with? No one had ever wanted that. They had wanted you to match their desires without giving anything in return. 

“So… you’re saying you want to date me?” You ask, making sure you weren’t lost in some illusion. 

Xiumin nods.

“And you want me to be in charge of how fast or slow this relationship moves?” You ask, your eyebrows are still pulled together.

Xiumin nods again.

“What if you have needs and I… I cant…?” you look down at your lap once again.

He lets out a surprised laugh. “Its not your job to take care of those needs, plus I’ve waited this long, I don’t want to scare you away now by doing something silly like asking you to pleasure me.”

Your face turns a deep shade of red at how carefree he’s speaking to you right now but as the words settle in your mind you have to look up at him in confusion. “Waited this long…?” You ask.

“Yeah. Heh,” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve liked you since that first date we had. I new then it would take a long time for you to trust me so I kept myself available for you. I mean I didn’t neglect the needs of a 27 year old man but anytime you needed me I’d drop my other plans.”

You blink at him. “I really having a hard time telling of that’s incredibly sweet or hella creepy.”

His lips press together as he thinks over his words. “I think it’s less creepy than I make it sound…”

“I hope so” You say before trying to lighten the moment by sticking your tongue out at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its taking me so long to update, lots of stuff has been happening.   
> Also I’m sorry this chapter is short but I figure its better than nothing.

Xiumin had convinced you to sit with him on the couch while he watched a movie. You don’t even remember what movie he had put on because for the first half hour you were trying not to have your shoulders tensed up to your ears. After you talked your brain into believing he wasn’t going to try anything, like he said, you had managed to relax against him. 

Obviously being that worked up about him getting close had drained you because the next thing you remember is Xiumin placing you down on a bed. Needless to say, you were now desperately trying to drag yourself out of your sleepy state.

“W-what are you doing?” You ask, pulling away from him.

“I’m just moving you to the bed, go back to sleep. I’ll be in the other room if you need me.” Xiumin said, pulling the blanket over you.

“The other room?” You ask, your sleepy state and the dark room made it impossible to figure out where you were.

He chuckles, placing his hand on your shoulder “I figured you would be too uncomfortable to share the bed with me so I’m taking the couch tonight” He leans down and plants a soft kiss on the top of your head. “Go back to sleep”

You didn’t want to sleep, you wanted to ask him why you weren’t the one sleeping on the couch, you wanted to react to the kiss he placed on your head. But the bed was soft and the blankets were warm, and the loving embrace of sleep pulled you away from the world.

~*~*~  
The next morning you bolt upright out of the bed. The events of the previous night slowly seeping back into your memory. After quickly scanning the room around you and finding yourself alone you sigh in relief. Nothing happened for you to to panic about. 

You slide yourself out of bed and walk across the room making your way to the bathroom, rubbing your eye as you go. You open the bedroom door and collide with Xiumin’s chest.

“Good morning” He says, his hands catching your sides to help keep you balanced. 

“Morning, sorry about th…” you pause. You’ve just noticed something and its demanding immediate attention. “Xiumin?” You ask.

“Yeah?”

“Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” You ask, your face turning red as you absorb how great he looks without a shirt. 

He shrugs one shoulder “I don’t sleep with one on.”

Your blush deepens as you move away from him. “Ah. Well.. Uh… Ive gotta…” you attempt to speak. Pointing to the bathroom behind him.

“Sorry, go ahead.” He says, stepping to the side to let you past. His eyes follow you as you walk into the bathroom, a smile pulling at his lips. “Your cloths are clean. I left them on the sink for you” 

“Oh, thank you.” You say looking at the sink as you close the door behind you.

You try to keep your time in his bathroom as short as possible, even though you are also changing and trying to fight off your morning breath by putting toothpaste on your finger and attempting to brush your teeth. Somehow Xiumin has already started making breakfast by the time you step out of the bathroom. You follow the sound of clinking dishes to find the kitchen. Only when you get to the doorway do you hear the sizzling of something cooking and music softly playing in the background. 

You peak into the kitchen and see Xiumin, still topless, cooking while moving around in a manner that can only be described as dancing. You smile to yourself, you’ve never seen this side of him before. For some reason the sight of him dancing shirtless in his kitchen while he cooks makes you want to be physically close to him. You would like to walk up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist, let your fingers sprawl across his toned stomach as you kiss his shoulder. You know you wont do it, you aren’t brave enough to look him in the eye when he’s smiling at you there is no way your heart could survive if you were touching him.

You still couldn’t believe that this is the man that wanted to date you. And speaking of, you never actually said you’d be his girlfriend. Was he waiting for you to say you would be or did he just assume your not saying no was a yes?

Just then Xiumin turns around, plates in hand, pausing when he sees you standing there. “Oh, I din’t realise you were there. Food’s ready” 

His words snap you out of your thoughts and you walk into the kitchen. He pulls a chair out for you and have to force yourself not to stare at him in shock. “Thank you” You say as you sit at the table.

Xiumin smiles as he sits next to you. “You’re welcome love”

You shake your head at his choice of words, it’s such a slight movement you think he wont see it but, of course, he does.

“You disapprove of me calling you love?” He asks. Then, after a short pause “Are you rejecting me?”

Your eyes widen “What?”

“I understand if you are, I mean you have never been that comfortable with me and you’ve all but boycotted dating”

“I never said I was rejecting you!” You exclaim, watching him in utter shock.

“Well then why haven’t you said yes to being my girlfriend? And why do you seem more uncomfortable than normal?” He asks.

“Look at you!” You all but shout. “How can someone as frumpy as me be anywhere near you without wanting to spontaneously combust?!” You gesture to his bare torso “I honestly didn’t think men could look like that without photoshop” 

He looks down at himself as you’re talking.

You sigh, “Listen, I know you cant see this situation from my point of view but girls that look like me don’t get the guy. We fantasise about guys like you but date people that match our looks.” You push your chair away from the table and stand up. “I have to go.”

“But…” He starts, watching you walk away

“Thank you for breakfast” You say as you leave the room.

“You didn’t have any…” you hear him say quietly as you grab your bag and head for the door. 

~*~*~

One Week Later

You look down at your phone as it buzzes, the screen lighting up to revival another text from Xiumin. You hadn’t responded to his messages since you left his house. It wasn’t easy ignoring him when he was sending you messages hourly but you didn’t know what you could say to make him understand that he was out of your league.

The text read; you can’t ignore me forever, I wont let you get away that easy. You frown at the phone lowering your hand that had been busy working on a painting. “Won’t let me?”

The screen lit up again; Come on answer me, I have important things to tell you

You drop your paintbrush into the jar of water and sigh, slumping on your stool. “Why do you have to be the one who decided to like me, I have no one to talk to about this because you’re the person I would normally go to” you say to the black screen of your phone.

The phone lights up once more; If you don’t answer me I’ll be forced to come over and make sure you are still alive.

“I cant tell if that’s super annoying or crazy sweet” you say glaring at your phone again. You cross your arms, not giving in to his threat.

Just as you are about to pick up your phone to check his messages again there is a knock at the door. You look from the door to your phone then back to the door before sliding off your stool and walking over to unlock the door. You crack the door open to see who it is. Before you get a chance to look at the person’s face a hand presses against the door and pushes it the rest of the way open. 

“Hey babe, remember me?” A guys voice says.

You blink and look up in confusion as the large guy pushes his way towards you. “Um I think you have the wrong house?” You say, sounding as confused as you felt.

“No, I definitely have the right place. Your boyfriend home?” He asks, standing so close you cant get a good look at him.

You take a stamp back and he advances, looking around your tiny apartment for this boyfriend he though you had. 

“I’m not sure who your talking about” you say.

“Oh you know, the blond one? He’s about this tall” he says, holding his had up “he pulled the gun on me in the club last week.” 

You suck in a breath.

“Recognise me now?” The man says giving you a grin that sent chills down your spine.

“I-“ you cant even manage a single word. 

“You don’t happen to live alone do you?” He asks, something in his tone that turns your blood to ice. 

And you still cant speak. And your body wont move even though your mind is screaming for you to get out of there. And the longer you’re silent and unmoving the closer the man with the frightening grin gets.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, there is sexual abuse and attempted rape in this chapter.

“H-how did you find me?” You ask, finally finding your voice and trying your hardest to keep it from shaking.

“I followed you home” he says like that’s an acceptable answer.

You stare at him appalled, how long had he been watching you? Had it been since the bar incident or did he just happen to spot you?

“Well sorry to disappoint you but Xiumin doesn’t live here, and he’s not my boyfriend” you say with confidence that surprises yourself, and attempt to move around him.

He catches your arm and pulls you against him “well I guess he won’t mind if I get what I wanted from you”

“What you wanted?” You repeat, having completely forgetting that this creep had tried to take you home.

Your cluelessness sets him off. He shoves you so you fall backwards, hitting the floor with a painful thud. Before you can realise what’s happening he’s on top of you, holding both your wrists in one hand and pinning your arms over your head. His hand shoves your shirt up and pulls your bra away from your breasts. You gasp and struggle under him, trying to get away but he doesn’t even seem to notice. His free hand painfully squeezes one breast as his mouth comes down over the other one.

“Get off me!” You yell.

You struggle under him and he bites down on your nipple as punishment. You cry out in pain but that only turns him on so he does it again, this time it’s hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

“Keep struggling, I enjoy punishing women” he says, causing your blood to run cold again.

His tongue slides over the nipple he bit and you wince. He takes his hand off your breast and licks his fingers before shoving his hand down your pants. You jump and instinctively try to get him off of you again. He bites down on your neck this time and you yell in pain but stop moving. He painfully shoves two fingers inside you. 

Your tears are flowing freely now, why did you have to open the door? This disgusting man was still shoving his fingers inside you and it just hurt, and to make it worse he was moaning like it was a good feeling. You close your eyes, you don’t want to see what he does to you.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good babe” he says, pulling his hand out of your pants and attempting to shove them down.

Suddenly he’s no longer over you. You open your eyes and see him being hauled backwards. Quickly you scramble backwards, trying to cover yourself up at the same time. When your back presses against a wall you finally look back up. There is a man pinning your attacker to the ground and beating the hell out of his face. New tears spring into your eyes as you realise it Xiumin who’s come to your rescue.

Xiumin drags the attacker to his feet and shoves him towards the door. “I suggest you leave the country, there will be hit men looking for you” he shoves the guy out then slams and locks the door. 

Xiumin turns around to find you and walks over, slowing as he gets closer. “It’s okay, you’re safe now” he kneels down next to you and opens his arms. 

Your trembling body slows you from launching yourself into his arms. He just holds you until your sobs die down, whispering that everything will be okay and that he won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. When he gets you to calm down a bit he takes you to the bathroom and runs you a bubble bath.

“Okay you get in, I have to make a call real quick, but I’ll just be in the other room if you need me” he says, slowly backing out of the room.

You nod, biting your lip.

“Okay, just call if you need anything” he says and walks out. 

You make sure he’s out of view before stripping and climbing into the bath, leaving the door open. You don’t want to feel like you’re alone and if you close the door you know he won’t come in. You look down at the bubbles waiting for Xiumin to be done with his call.

After only a minute or two you hear “oh!” And footsteps coming towards the bathroom. You look up and see Xiumin standing in the doorway.

“You left the door open?” He asks, sounding surprised and slightly worried.

You nod, “I didn’t want to be alone…” 

He slowly walks into the bathroom and crouches down next to the tub. “I’d offer to join you but I don’t think this is the right time for that” he says, his head tipping to the side as he looks at you.

“You won’t do anything?” You ask in a small voice.

“I will never do anything you don’t want me to do” he reply’s 

You nod “… you can join me” You say looking at the bubbles because his eyes are watching you too intensely for you to meet.

He’s silent for a few moments before speaking softly “Are you sure? I don’t want to scare you”

“I’m sure” you reply, barely above a whisper. 

You watch him stand up and walk over to the sink where he takes off his watch and puts it on the counter, he then pulls his phone and wallet out of his pocket placing them next to his watch. He unbuttons his shirt and folds it before placing it on the counter, then does the same for his pants and socks. 

“Um…” you say, looking away from him, your face hot.

“Don’t worry,” he says, snapping the waistband of his briefs as he moves towards the tub again “I’ll leave these on. Scoot forward”

You’re just realising now that he’s actually going to be in the bath with you and blush as you carefully move forward, making sure you’re covered with the bubbles. He carefully get in behind you then softly grabs your shoulder and try’s to get you to lean against him but you shake your head.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“I’m worried you’re going to see me…” you say, your shoulders tensing up.

He chuckles “Here, I’ll wrap my arm around your chest so I don’t see anything” he says leaning forward so his chest is against your back, and wrapping one arm around you.

“Ow, wait” you say flinching away from his arm.

“Ow?” He asks, “did I hurt you”

You shake your head, “no, he bit me”

“What?” He asks “here?” He holds each hand over a breast, but doesn’t touch you.

“Just this one” you say taping his right hand. 

“He bit you?” he asks again in disbelief “is that what happen to your neck here to?” His fingers touch your neck softly.

You nod.

He sighs and presses his forehead against your shoulder. “Okay this is going to be uncomfortable for you but you have to tell me if he drew blood”

“What?” You ask, looking over your shoulder. 

He lifts his head off your shoulder as he feels you moving to look at him. “You don’t want me to see you so you have to tell me how bad it is”

“Why?” You ask, giving him a worried look.

“So I know if we have to keep an eye out for infections” he says.

You bite your lip and press your back against him as you look down at yourself but quickly shake your head looking up. “I cant, I don’t want to see what he did to me”

“I understand,” he says “but if you can’t, you have to let me”

You nod, eyes clamped shut. “Okay”

He leans back and gently pulls you against his chest. “The water is covering you I can’t see, will you panic if I touch you?”

You shrug. 

“You know what, I’ll just wait till you get out of the bath, that’ll be easier” he says. The two of you sit in silence for a while before he speaks again “I want to hold you… can we wash the feeling of the creep off of you so I can make sure you’re okay and wrap you in something warm and fuzzy so you aren’t terrified to be in my arms?”

You nod and sit up so you aren’t leaning against him anymore. “Wait what do you mean ‘can we wash the feeling of the creep off’?”

He places his hands on your back and moves them in small circles. “I’m gonna help by… well by being no help at all apparently” he says, his hands sliding down your back as he realises rubbing your back is probably the opposite of helpful. “I’ll get out and go find something for you to wear okay?”

“Okay. I have track pants that’ll probably fit you sitting on my bed, I just washed them but I haven't gotten around to putting them away.” You say. 

He kisses the back of your head before getting out of the tub. He grabs a towel and wipes off the bubbles before wrapping it around his hips and walking out of the bathroom.

You grab the cloth and gently wash yourself, trying very hard no to let yourself think about what happened. Before you know it, Xiumin is back in the doorway. He has the dark blue housecoat you got for Christmas but always forgot to use over one arm. He grabs a towel and moves the housecoat up over his shoulder. 

“Alright come on out” he says, holding the towel up, “I’m not looking”

You bite your lip and hesitate for a small moment before getting out of the tub. He wraps the towel around you then holds the housecoat out in the same manner. You wipe the bubbles off of yourself then drop the towel and take a step backwards so he can help you put on the housecoat. 

“Thanks” you say, tying it shut before turning around to face him. 

His eyes flick from your face down to your chest. “Can i…?”he asks, reaching towards you with one hand. 

You swallow hard and give a slight nod. He steps closer and gently pulls the housecoat so just your right breast is exposed. He makes a face before pulling the housecoat closed again.

“Is it bad?” You ask as he makes the face.

“He didn’t break the skin but I’m going to get you an ice pack to bring down the swelling.” He says, still adjusting your house coat so it stays closed.

“I have to hold an ice pack on my boob?” You ask.

Xiumin looks up at your face with an amused expression, almost likes he’s holding back a laugh. “If you don’t want to I can hold it for you”

You watch him for a moment before saying “I can’t tell if your joking or not”

He smiles, taking your hand and leading you out of the bathroom


	6. Chapter 6

You are laying on your bed, Xiumin behind you. His bare chest is pressed again your back and his hand is cupping the ice pack against your breast. Your laptop is on the bedside table playing a movie but you are tired and all you can seem to focus on is how Xiumin’s thumb twitches against your breast when he finds things in the movie entertaining. 

“Mmmm” He hummed, pulling himself closer to you as the credits rolled on the screen. “I should probably get out of your bed so you can sleep” he said.

He starts to pull his hand out from inside your housecoat but you stop him by grabbing his arm. “Stay” you say.

He freeze in the spot for a moment before pushing himself up on one elbow so he can look at you. “Are you sure? I can stay on the couch”

You shake your head “No, I don’t want to be alone” 

He watches you with a sad expression for a few moments before laying back down behind you, his hand sliding out from inside your house coat and resting on your hip. “Honestly I’m worried about spending the night with you.”

You twist slightly so you can look at him, a worried expression stamped on your face. “W-why?”

He chuckles at your worry. “Relax, its just because men get morning erections and with me being this close you’ll definitely feel it, and then you’ll be nervous to be close to me again”

Your eyes widen as you stare at him.

He leans in and kisses your temple “Don’t be afraid, its not going to attack you”

A deep blush crawls up your neck and you cover your face with your hands. “I didn’t think it would!” You exclaim from behind your hands.

He laughs softly, “then why did you look at me like that?” He asks. 

“Because it’s embarrassing when you talk about stuff like that so directly!” Your face is beet red and you don’t dare take your hands away from your face. 

“Is it?” He asks, pretending that he doesn’t know. You cant see him but a mischievous smile is pulling at his lips. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t know” You say, throwing your arm back to hit him.

He catches your arm, holding your wrist so that your hand rests on his hip. “I’d never deceive you like that” he says, his lips suddenly right next to your ear. 

You flinch at his sudden closeness before twisting as much as you can to look at him nervously.

His grip on your wrist loosens as he meets your eyes. “I know. Sorry”

You swallow as you push yourself upright on the bed, noticing Xiumin watching you confused. You take the ice pack out from under your house coat and place it on the bedside table then close the laptop before laying back down, this time facing Xiumin. You take in a shaky breath as you rest your head on his arm.

The darkness of the room is both making you more and less comfortable at the same time. On one hand you cant see him and he, probably, cant see you. But on the other hand, you cant see if he’s moving. 

“Y/n,” Xiumin says, his hand ghosting over you till he finds your hand. “Now that the light is out and you’re actually staying somewhat close to me, my heart is pounding.

Your palm presses against his chest as he guides your hand to feel his heart beat. “Why?’ You ask, honestly curious.

“I don’t know, I haven’t been this nervous with a woman since my first kiss.” He answers, his voice low.

A silence falls over the two of you, like your both so focused on the fact that your in this situation you cant think of anything to say, not that anything needs to be said. Xiumin’s thumb softly strokes the back of your hand that you’re keeping against this bare chest. 

After a few minutes you whisper. “Xiumin?”

He hums his response “Mhmm?”

“Can I move closer?” You ask.

“Yeah, if you’re okay being that close to me” He says, his voice thick with sleep.

You start to move closer as you say “I probably wont be able to stay this close for long” You hand moves to his side to help you get yourself closer to him. 

“I’m not complaining but why are you moving closer if you think you’ll be too uncomfortable to stay there?” He asks.

You finally get yourself into a comfortable position, pressing yourself softly against him “I want to know what its like being close to you”

His hand rests on your hip as he tucks your head under his chin. “I’m guessing its not that different from being close to any other guy”

You’re silent for a few moments “Ive never been this close to any other guy…”

“Really?” Xiumin asks.

Your shoulders pull up nervously as you nod against his chest.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I knew you were a virgin I just didn’t realise you had never let anyone get this close to you.” He said.

You press your face into his chest, “Well I hadn't been this close to anyone until that guy-“

“I’m stopping that thought right there. You didn’t let him get close, he forced himself on you so it doesn’t count.” Xiumin says, all traces of sleep now out of his voice.

You nod against his chest again, this time bitting your lip as you try not to think about what happened. 

Xiumin presses into you as he wraps his arms around you. His knee slides between yours and he holds you in a comforting embrace. And he stays like this until you roll over in your sleep.

~*~*~

Something warm pressing against your temple wakes you. You groan as you roll over, not wanting to get up yet, but then you press into something that feels unfamiliar. And its not till a hand touches your hip do you realise your pressed against a human. You fling yourself away from the body so fast and forcefully that you fall off the bed.

Xiumin leans over your side of the bed and looks down at you with wide eyes. “Are you okay?”

You flinch when you seen him peak over the bed but once your mind realised its just Xiumin, you slump on the floor, your hand over your heart. “What does a heart attack feel like?”

He chuckles. “Really painful I believe”

“So probably not what I’m experiencing?” You ask, feeling breathless from jumping like that.

“I don’t think so” he says smiling down at you.

“Then I’m probably fine.” You say.

“Sorry I scared you” He says, rolling to the side as he looks down at you. 

You shake your head. “It’s okay, I forgot you were here.” You push yourself upright and look over at him.

“Well at least this isn’t what scared you” he says, pointing towards the blanket over his waist. 

You blush and look away from him shaking your head.

Xiumin watches you for a few moments before patting the bed and scooting over. “Come back up here for a bit.”

You look at the space he made for you on the bed then at him. “You sure its safe?”

He scoffs and gives you an amused smile. “I didn’t know you could joke about these situations”

“You mean your situation?” You ask as you climb onto the bed. 

He watches you with his mouth open. His expression could only be described as amused shock. 

Once you were laying back down on the bed under the blankets you looked over at him. “What?”

“Who are you and what did you do with my friend?” He asks. 

You look up at the ceiling, trying not to smile. 

“Seriously. Who are you? My love has never come close to mentioning my penis.” He says, still looking at you in shock.

“I said nothing.” You say, no longer able to hold back your smile.

“That’s the most impressive part of this whole situation.” He says.

You laugh. “So you’re saying I should do this more often?” 

“No. I might be the one that gets flustered.” He says, smiling at you.

“Pfff” you manage between laughs to hit him. “I don’t think you can get flustered.”

“Oh If you got to the point of saying lewd comments about me I would definitely be flustered” he says, shuffling a little closer.

You look over at him, your eyes taking in the details of his face. “I can’t imagine you flustered.”

“Well I know saying lewd things isn’t your style but you could probably get a similar reaction from me if you were to touch my inner thigh” he says, patting his leg over the blanket. 

You look down at his hand as it slides off of his leg then place your hand over the spot he patted. You feel him jump at the contact and you quickly look up to meet his eyes. He’s looking at you with wide eyes and a slight pink in his cheeks. “Sorry” you say pulling your hand away quickly.

He keeps staring at you with wide eyes. “I didn’t think you would do it.”

You look at him worried, “I’m sorry I thought you wanted me to. I-“ you look down at his chest.

Suddenly his thumb is under your chin, holding your head up as lips softly press against yours. His other arm snakes under you so he can pull you towards him till your chest is pressed against his.


	7. Chapter 7

You freeze against him, breath hitching in your throat. He must feel you tense up because he leans back slightly to look at you. 

“You kissed me” you say. You’re shaking slightly and watching him with wide eyes.

He frowns, “Yeah, did I scare you? You’re shaking”

You nod stiffly.

“I’m sorry love.” He says gently coxing you into a hug, “I didn’t mean to scare you, I just realised how much I love you”

“L-love?” You ask, pushing against his chest so you can look up at him.

His eyes widen and his grip on you loosens.“Yeah, don’t panic. Please.”

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your shaking hands. You remember him telling you he’s likes you since the first date you went on with him but you didn’t believe him. After last night and him saying he loves you just now it was getting harder to convince yourself that he was faking.

You put your hand on his arm and push it away. “Okay… but this is too much” 

“Okay, that’s no problem” he says moving back till there is space the size of a pillow between the two of you. “Better?”

You nod, biting your lip. 

A short silence falls over the two of you before Xiumin breaks it by pointing at your chest and asking “are you sore this morning?”

You look down at your chest and put your hand over your right boob before quickly pulling it away. “Only when I touch it.”

“Hmm” He says, frowning. “I was going to take you out for breakfast but if it hurts to touch you probably would be too uncomfortable in a bra.”

You blush. “I didn’t think about that. What if I cant wear one at all today?”

Xiumin shrugs “then we wont go out today.”

You look at him. “I cant be bra less all day with you”

“Why? I’m not going to be weird about it.” He says.

“It’s embarrassing” you say.

He razes his eyebrows at you. “I was in the bath with you last night.”

Your blush deepens. “Don’t remind me”

He laughs. “Okay well I’m going to go find something to make for breakfast, when you’re not too embarrassed to be in the rest of the house braless while I’m here, come join me.”

You watch him get up and leave the room, wearing nothing but the track pants he borrowed last night.

~*~*~

Xiumin left for an hour after making breakfast that day to go home and get clothes. He told you he wasn’t letting you spend any nights alone for at least a week. When you asked why he said he was worried you would get caught up in your own mind and let the asshole that hurt you creep into your mind and upset you. He said as long as he was with you he could attempt to distract you from those thoughts whenever they tried to take over your thoughts.

So you had him in your bed every night, and in your kitchen making every meal, and asking if you needed him to wash your back every time you you took a shower. 

He never pushed the situation though. If you said no or told him he was getting too close he stoped and moved away. Having him around 24/7 wasn’t as stressful as you imagined it would be. And after the first few days you actually became more comfortable with him. In fact you once kissed him, before promptly disappearing into the bathroom to shower, leaving him standing on the other side of the door with a shocked expression on his face.

It was now a month since the day you had been attacked and Xiumin was packing your stuff into boxes because he had his place renovated so that he could move you in. 

“So you turned the living room into my room?” You ask, still shocked that he would do that just to keep you feeling safe.

Yeah, remember the empty corner between the living room and the kitchen? That’s now the living room” He says, walking one of the boxes out to the moving truck. “I even made room for your painting stuff because I know you like having the tv on while you paint.”

“You really didn’t have to do all that” You say. 

“Yeah, but maybe if you live with me you’ll be comfortable enough with me to be my girlfriend someday, instead of just giving me shy kisses.” He says, winking at you. 

“Right. Don’t hold your breath though, okay?” You say, tapping up the last box. 

“I’ll try” he says, taking the box and putting it on the truck.

You take one last walk through the house to make sure you didn’t forget anything. When you get back to the front room that had once been your living room you stop and look around again. “Sad that I cant miss this place because it’s tainted with that horrible experience.”

Xiumin comes up beside you and puts an arm around you. It was still weird to have him be this close to you so casually but you were happy you no longer wanted to pull away from him.

“I know” He says. 

You know you have to get going but its harder than you thought to say good bye to the first place you ever rented by yourself. Xiumin doesn’t rush you but he dose give your arm a comforting squeeze before letting go of you and telling the moving truck driver his address.

Xiumin walks back into the house after a few moments “we should get going soon”

You nod and walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning your head against his chest. “Okay lets go.”

He walks you out to the car waiting and opens the door for you. You get in and he walks around to the other side.

The drive is very short to his place… home. It was going to be hard to not call it his place. When you got there the movers had already unloaded all the boxes into the apartment. Xiumin had to go to work for a few hours so you spent the day setting up your room. At first you were quiet almost timid as you moved stuff around the room but after the first hour you had your music on and were almost dancing around as you set up this room. Your bedroom door was where the opening for the living room use to be so it opened into the new living room. You moved your painting stuff against the wall that separated your room and the living room where Xiumin had purposely made room for you.

Your room was set up so that when you walked in the door the closet was on the wall to your right. You then put the bed in the middle of the far right wall. On the left was your makeup table, that Xiumin had surprised you with, and the modified bookcase you used to hold all your canvases and painting supplies. 

You were a little worried it was going to take you a while to like living here but as you made your bed up and hung as many paintings in your room as you could, you realised you already loved your new room. Unfortunately you didn’t have enough room to hang all your paintings in your room though. 

You looked over at the stack of painting you had leaning against the closet door and wondered if Xiumin would mind if you hung them up around the apartment. You grab one and walk out to the living room. There on the far wall was a perfect place to put it. Right up behind the couch. You stand on the couch and hold it against the wall. 

“That would look nice. Liven up this place a bit” Xiumin says, suddenly behind you.

You hadn't heard him come in so you jump at the sound of his voice. “Jesus!” You say, almost falling off the couch. 

Xiumin smiles “sorry.”

“I didn’t hear you come in” you say.

“Well you do have the music a bit loud.” He says.

“Oh sorry!” You say, hurrying over to turn it off, worried it was going to make him unhappy. “I thought you said you’d be gone for a few hours?”

He razes an eyebrow at you “I’ve been gone for five hours”

“What?” You ask, grabbing your phone to check the time. “Wow. Guess time dose fly when you’re having fun.”

He moves towards your room as you’re looking at your phone. Looking at what you’ve done with the space without coming into the room. “You know you can put some paintings in the rest of the apartment.”

“Are you sure?” You ask, watching him lean against your door frame as he looks around your room.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t you be able to?” He says

You shrug. “I didn’t want to invade your space”

He smiles at you again. “I really wouldn’t mind if you did.” 

You blush slightly and move over to the stack of paintings. “Well these guys need a place to live” 

“Can I come in?” He asks, and waits for you to nod before stepping into your room to look through the paintings. “sometimes I forget how good your paintings are.” He says, flipping through them.

You watch him look through the paintings, biting your lip at the compliment. 

“Oh. This is one of the dragons from game of thrones isn’t it?” He asks, pulling out one of the paintings. 

You nod.

“You’ve seen game of thrones?” He asks, looking at you confused.

“No Ive just seen the dragons online. Thought they might be a good selling piece.” You say. 

He nods, looking over the painting. “How much would you sell a piece like this for?” 

“For the original painting I’d charge 300 for that size, a print sells for 20 though.” You say. “Why” 

Xiumin puts the painting down and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. He counts out some money and hands it to you. ”I want this one”

You shake your head at the money. “You don’t need to pay me, you can have that one”

“No way. You deserve every cent” he says 

You keep shaking your head till he steps towards you till he’s almost touching you. He folds the bills in half and slips them into your pocket. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”

You just bite your lip and nod, looking away from him. 

“Now lets find a place for the rest of these.” He says, picking up his painting and the hammer on the floor next to the paintings.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally decide to trust xuimin

The next morning it takes you a few moments after waking up to remember where you are. It’s also the first morning in a while that you’ve woken up without Xiumin next to you. It was weird. Actually Xiumin seemed weird about your room since you got it set up, at your place he never hesitated to walk in but here he asked every time, even if your door was left open. 

You made a mental note to ask him about that next time it happened. You got out of bed and found your favourite painting clothes. The move had woken up your painting muse that you had lost since the day that man took advantage of you so you were eager to get back at it.

It was quite early so you made sure to be quiet as you moved into the living room and set up your painting stuff so you wouldn’t wake Xiumin. You placed the clean white canvas onto your easel, pulled out your trusty blue pencil, placed your earbuds in your ears, and got to work.

You just let your hand work its magic, not planning on any now thing but instead letting the music move you into the work. So when you noticed that the painting was looking like Xiumin you changed the background to make it look like the bar where he pulled his gun out. Only instead of painting it from the perspective you had when you were there, you were painting it from how the asshole who attacked you had seen him. 

The painting pulled together in about two hours. You still had to add some fine details but it was practically done and Xiumin wasn’t even awake yet. You smiled to yourself, determined to surprise him with a finished painting when he came out of his room. You turned up your music and got back to work.

Two more hours passed before Xiumin emerged from his room, making his way to the kitchen in such a sleepy state that he didn’t even notice you painting as he walked by. You watched him go into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee and lean against the counter while rubbing the sleep out of one eye before looking up and seeing you. You wave at him from your stool as you pull you headphones out of your ears. 

“What are you doing painting so early?” He asks, his voice sounding more tired than he looks.

You shrug looking at your canvas “guess the move inspired me”

He nods and pushes away from the counter, slowly making his way towards you. “What are you working on?”

“Oh, I’m done. Ive been paining for the last four hours.” You say, letting him walk all the way over to you instead of turning the canvas towards him. “this one is a thank you gift for you”

He gives you a sleepy smile before stepping behind you to look at the painting. “Oh my god. You made me look like a badass”

You smile. “So you like it?” You ask turning around on your stool so you can face him. 

Xiumin steps between your knees and catches your mouth with his causing you to jerk back in surprise. This doesn’t seem to phase him because his hand cups the back of your head and he kisses you again. This kiss is different than the ones he usually surprises you with, they are usually soft and light, but this one is strong. Like he’s hungry for your kiss. Like he cant not kiss you. Trying to return his kisses is almost impossible because of this. 

He lets out a soft moan into the kiss that makes your mind so foggy it takes you a few moments to realise he’s hooked his hand under one of your knees and is pressing himself against you. It’s not until his hand start to make its way up your leg that your mind clears enough to push him away enough to tell hem he’s going too far.

He pouts at you as you put your hand on his chest to move him away but doesn’t fight you “are you sure its too much? Cause it felt really right to me.”

You slide off your stool and walk into the kitchen to find something to eat “yes it was too much” 

Xiumin follows you back to the kitchen. “Okay” he says sadly. 

You decide on fruit for breakfast, cutting up a plate full of different fruits then sitting at the table with Xiumin. He just has his cup of coffee so you offer him some but he shakes his head. You two sit in silence until Xiumin gets up to put his empty cup in the sink.

“I can guess the answer but I’m going to ask anyways,” he starts, turning to face you “any chance you want to shower with me?”

You just shake your head and look down at your, almost empty, plate. 

“That’s what I thought.” He pauses to kiss the top of your head as he walks by before adding “I’m going to be at work all day today, you going to be okay alone?”

“Yeah, I have like three more paintings I want to do” you say, smiling at him.

~*~*~

When Xiumin get home later that day he finds you on the couch wrapped in a blanket, looking at the tv with a worried expression. He hurry’s over to you to make sure you are okay.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

You look over at him with wide eyes “Why didn’t you warn me there was so much sex in this show?”

“What?” He asks, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. He looks over at the tv to see season one of Game of Thrones playing. 

“And why is the queen sleeping with her brother?” You ask frowning at the tv again. 

Xiumin laughs and sits down beside you. “Why are you still watching it if it makes you uncomfortable?” He asks.

You shrug up on shoulder, not looking away from the tv. “I meant to turn it off after the first episode but I cant seem to get off the couch to stop it.”

Xiumin gets up and pauses the show then sits down next to you again. “Better?”

“A little, its still in my head though.” you reply, slowly looking over at him.

“Come here” he says, putting his arm out so you can move closer to him. 

You bite you lip looking at him hesitantly before slowly scooting closer. He places his arm around your shoulders and gently pulls you util you’re leaning against him. “Xiumin?” You say softly 

“Hmm?” He replies. 

“After watching that, this is a little uncomfortable for me” you say, tense in his arms. 

He looks over at you and asks “should I put something else on so you’re not thinking about it?” 

You nod.

He lets you go and gets up to find something light to watch. After picking something and sitting back down you notice he’s in a suit. You reach out and touch the end of his tie, drawing his attention to you. You meet his eyes for a moment before shifting so you’re sitting on you knees. He watches you as you reach up to his neck and loosen the tie.

“What are you doing?” He asks, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“Taking your tie off?” You say, timid now.

His hands grab your hips and he moves you so your straddling his lap. Your heart feels like its beating at a million beats per minute as you watch him with wide eyes. Your body stiffens nervously but he manages to sit on his lap in this position and get your hands on his shoulders. You make fists in his shirt where he’s left your hands to keep them from shaking.

“W-why?” You ask

“It’s okay, you’re safe with me. I want to show you that you can trust me.” He says, brushing a hair away from your face. “See how I’m not doing anything?”

You just watch his face with a worried look. 

“It’s okay. Take my tie off” he says, his hands sitting lightly on your hips.

You swallow hard and look down at his tie. You know if you let go of his shirt your hands will shake uncontrollably but if you don’t take his tie off he might not let you move away. “I… I don’t know if I can” you say quietly.

“Why not?” He asks.

“My hands are shaking too much to lift them off your shoulders” you say, you cant bring your eyes up to look at him.

His right hand lifts off your hip and touches the back of your hand that’s making a fist in his shirt. “Then don’t lift your hands” 

You watch him pull your hand out of the fist so your palm is flat on his shoulder then grab your wrist and slowly slid your hand up to his neck. He lets go and waits for you to do the same with the other hand. 

Very, very slowly you unclench your other fist and slid your hand up the side of his neck, so your fingers are under the tie. You pause for a moment to look up at his face for reassurance. He gives you a half smile and a nod to let you know you are okay. You take in a deep breath to calm yourself slid your hands up his neck till you’re cupping his jaw. Then you slide one hand around to the back of his head and hold the long bit with the other hand so you don’t get it caught on his nose as you’re pulling it off.

You slide your hand up the back of his head, your fingers running through his hair as you pull the tie off. As soon as you have the tie off Xiumin moves forward, pressing his chest against yours as he wraps his arms around you.

“Kiss me” he says, his lips brushing against your neck as he breaths the words into your skin.

Something deep in your stomach twists in an unfamiliar way and that feeling has you so bewildered that it keeps you from reacting to Xiumin’s words. You just stay pressed against him, your arms around his neck until he pressed a soft kiss against your exposed shoulder.

You lean back as far as his arms will let you and look at him, a light blush colouring your cheeks. “Why are you suddenly trying to be so close to me?”

He shrugs “I miss sharing a bed with you, I know its only been a few night since I last stayed at your place with you but I really miss it. It’s the only time I can get close to you without you panicking. I was hoping that you’d be less afraid”

He sighs and leans back, his hands sliding from your back down your sides and finally resting on your thighs. 

You let your hands slip down to his chest as he moves. “I’m sorry” you say, looking down at your hands on his chest.

“Don’t be. I’m just sad I cant do anything to make you more comfortable with me.” He says. 

You chew on your bottom lip as you try to think of something you could do that would let you be close to him without being so nervous. “I don’t know how to be less afraid.”

“It’s alright” he says, squeezing your leg lightly.

That twist deep in your stomach knots up again. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, are you afraid I’ll hurt you? Or is it just trusting someone to get close that scares you?” He asks, his thumb rubbing the top of your thigh as he speaks.

A strange heat is building in your core as his thumb strokes the top of your leg. You try to ignore the feeling so you can answer him. “Is it not suppose to hurt?” You ask.

He looks at you confused.

Your eyes had met his while he asked what was scaring you but you have to look back down at your hands that are still on his chest to answer his questioning eyes. “When that guy touched me he really hurt me…”

“Well yeah he bit you” Xiumin says, not knowing that he had done more than that.

“He…” your shoulders pull up and you look away “he put his fingers in me….” 

Xiumin doesn’t says anything right away but you feel his hand ball into a fist on your leg. “I’m going to skin that fucker alive” he hisses through clenched teeth.

You bite your lip again hesitant to say anything but you have to ask because he didn’t answer your question. “Dose it not usually hurt?”

His expression softens as he looks at you. “No love, it doesn’t usually hurt. If it does then the guy is doing something wrong.” 

“Oh…” you say. You make a fist in his shirt and take a deep breath before speaking again. “Just asking this is terrifying but I trust you not to do anything I’m not okay with so um… will you show me?”

“Show you?” He says slowly “you want me to touch you?”

Your heart jumps as he says it. Your blush growing three shades deeper as you nod.

“Are you sure? You look worried” he says

You nod again “j-just promise me you’ll stop if I get scared”

He draws an x under your hand on his chest “cross my heart”

You were in the tank top and jogging paints you used as pyjamas and only now wishing you had something a little sexier on. But Xiumin didn’t seem to mind, he leaned in and kissed you softly while his hands moved so his thumbs were rubbing your inner thighs. The heat you felt earlier was back, growing stronger as his hands moved higher. He finally slipped one hand between your legs and rubbed you over your pants. 

Your breathing became more ragged as his mouth kissed down your neck and his hand slowly slid into your pants so he was touching you over your panties. You grabbed his arm to slow him down, and he just palmed you over your underwear until you let go of his arm. Then he stroked the inside of your left leg as he looked at you.

“Can I keep going?” He asks.

You’re caught off guard by the question but bite your lip and nod.


	9. Chapter 9

Xiumin slips his fingers under your underwear and you gasp at the contact. He stops, watching your face to make sure you are okay before sliding his hand the rest of the way into your underwear. You’re clutching his shoulders now as his hand rubs you under you clothing.

That warmth in your core is now hot and liquified. It’s embarrassing to think he might feel it. Then what you assume is his middle finger slips between your lips and strokes you, his finger dragging the wetness up to your clit. He circles your clit with his finger, the feeling would have caused your legs to give out under you if you had been standing. He does it again and you lean forward to press your forehead against his shoulder, eyes closing because it felt so good. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks softly into your ear. 

You shake your head against his shoulder and he doesn’t hesitate to stroke you again. Only this time it felt different, almost like when he started he was testing you, making sure you wanted him to touch you by giving you a sample. Now that he was sure his hand moved confidently. You pressed your open mouth into his shoulder unsure what to do with this kind of pleasure. 

He slipped his finger into you, knuckle deep witch released a moan from you. Surprised and embarrassed at the sound you just made you jerk upright, holding yourself away from him. You look at him with wide eyes, one hand over your mouth. 

He smiles at you and pulled your hand away from your mouth with his free hand. “Don’t, I need you to make those noises so I know I’m touching you right.”

“But it’s embarrassing” you say covering your face. 

“I’m the only one that can hear you, there is no need to be embarrassed.” He says. 

His finger slides out then back in and whatever you were going to say back to him was replaced with another moan. His thumb rubs your clit as he pumps his finger in and out of you. You have to clutch his shoulders to steady yourself, your moans unable to be contained. His free hand sips up under your shirt and pulls one boob free from your bra, kneading it in a way that somehow was bringing you more pleasure. Your core was tightening and you tipped your head back as he pushed a second finger into you to bring you to your climax. 

Your nails dig into his shoulders and you moan loudly as your orgasm washes over you. He takes his hand out of your pants and pulls your bra back over your boob as you catch your breath. 

“You’re right” you say, eyes closed as you try to catch your breath. 

“About what?” He asks, brushing loose hairs away from your face.

“That didn’t hurt” you say.

He laughs. 

“Does it all feel that good?” You ask, pressing your hand over your heart, willing it yo calm down.

“Depends on who you’re doing it with.” He says. 

You nod “oh”

“I didn’t scare you?” He asks.

You shake your head. 

“Would you say yes if I offered you more?” He asks. 

“Like what?” You ask, looking at him a little worried.

“No sex yet. Just more light stuff.” He says, smiling at you.

“Maybe” you say.

He slips his hands under your shirt and slowly slides them up, bringing the shirt up with them. “Can I take your shirt off?” He asks

You bite your lip but he’s already had his hand on your breast so you nod and lift your arms. He pulls it off and lets it drop on the floor. Then his hands undo the clasp on your bra and you gasp, holding it to your chest. 

“What are you doing?” You ask.

“I want to put my mouth on you.” He says as he leans in to kiss your collarbone.

You don’t know how to respond, not that you could remember how to speak with him leaving a trail of hot kissed down your chest. He gets you to release your grip on your bra and he kisses up to the nipple then sucks it into his mouth, his hand rolling your other nipple between his finger and thumb. 

You suck in a breath and tip your head back, completely aroused again. God you wanted him to make you feel good again. Your hand grips the back of his head as you moan out his name. “Please make me feel that pleasure again.” You say. 

He makes a noise that almost sounds like a growl before he flips you onto the couch. You’re perched on the edge with him on his knees on the floor in front of you. He pushes on your shoulder till you are leaning back against the couch before he hooks his fingers under your pants and underwear and pull them to your ankles in one swift movement. 

You gasp at the suddenness of being naked in front of him. Watching him worried he wont like what he sees but his eyes wash over you like you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. 

He pulls you knee over his shoulder and pushes the other one to the side before dipping his head down and using his tongue to pleasure you. You make gasp in pleasure all fear of being close to him swept away. You wanted him to never stop. His fingers plunge into you as his tongue stimulates your clit causing you to cry out in pleasure and climax harder than the last time. 

Xiumin uses the blanket next to you to cover you up but he stays between your legs on the floor. You look at him confused.

“Ive got a bit of a situation going on, letting me go that far was really arousing.” He says, giving you a smile. 

You eye him suspiciously, you knees pressing against his sides as they try to come together. 

He shakes his head “No, you’re okay. I’m just sitting here till I get this under control.”

You nod, wrapping the blanket around you to better cover yourself. “That was surprisingly not scary” you say as you push yourself into a sitting position. 

Xiumin looks up at you and gives you a smile. “I’m glad.”

“That might still be scary though” you say pointing towards his lap.

He laughs. “It’ll only be scary the first time you see it. Well hopefully. If things go smoothly the first time we have sex then you wont be afraid anytime after.”

You blush as he talks about having sex with you. “So we are going to have sex?” You ask, looking at your lap.

“When you’re ready, yeah.” He says, patting your knee. “If it was up to me I’d be raining down every way I know how to pleasure a woman onto you right now.”

“Don’t say things like that” you say, covering your face.

He laughs. “God, I love you.”


	10. Chapter 10

That night you had asked Xiumin if he wanted to spend the night with you but he refused, saying he didn’t trust himself to keep his hands off of you. So you spent the night alone, hardly sleeping because you were smiling like an idiot. Xiumin had pleasured you and didn’t expect you to do the same to him, at least not right away, and you still couldn’t believe it.

After laying in bed for a few hours unable to go back to sleep you decide you are going to get up and attempt to paint something. Before you even get the blanket off you hear a knock on your door. You look over as its slowly being opened. 

“You awake?” Xiumin whispers into the dark room, he cant see you from where he is.

“Yeah” you respond. “You okay?”

“I cant sleep, can I stay with you for a bit before I have to go to work?” He asks. 

“Sure” you say, moving over so he doesn’t have to circle the bed. 

He steps in, closing the door behind himself, and slowly makes his way to the bed. You pull the blanket back for him and he climbs in beside you. “Why are you awake?” He asks as he pulls the blanket over himself.

You shrug, glad it was dark enough to hide your blush.

“Hmm…” he slides his arm under your neck “well I cant sleep because I keep getting turned on when I think about what we did”

“Shh” you say smacking his chest before covering your face in embarrassment. 

He laughs and pulls you against his chest. “Thank you for trusting me enough to do that.”

You look up at him confused. Did he just thank you for trusting him? That was a first. 

“Please be my girlfriend.” He says.

You smile and wrap your arms around him, nodding because you’re smiling to much to say anything. 

He sighs and holds you close, stroking your hair. He shifts so he’s on his back, pulling you with him so you’re laying against his chest. His fingers raking through your hair is comforting and your eyes close as you listen to his heart beet.

The next thing you know he’s softly rolling you over, whispering to go back to sleep and that he’ll see you after work. He places a soft kiss on your forehead before leaving the room. You pull the pillow he was sleeping on closer so his lingering sent stays with you as you sleep for a few more hours. 

It’s well into the afternoon when you finally drag yourself out of bed. You make yourself a cup of tea and sit down in front of your canvas. You sip your tea, looking at the painting. Your brain was waking up, thanks to the tea, and moving your hand to your paintbrush. This was the kind of painting mood that you loved, when you saw what you needed to do and like magic, your hand just did it. In no time this painting was going from good to one of your best. You had no concept of time and only got up to turn your music on or to use the bathroom.   
Hours flew by and by the time Xiumin got home you were so involved in the painting he could have walked in naked and you wouldn’t have even seen him.

He watches you from the other side of the room for a while. He had cleared his throat but you didn’t even hear him. This was only the third time he’d seen you like this and decided it was better to just let you paint till your arm cramped or your back needed to be stretched. 

He walked into the kitchen and found the room exactly as he had left it with one cup extra sitting by the sink. He frowned and wend back out to the living room. 

“Y/n” he said, finally getting your attention. “Did you eat anything today?”

You get off your stool and turn the music off. “Sorry what?”

“Did you eat today?” He repeats. 

You tap the end of the paintbrush against your chin. “Uh… you know, I don’t think I did”

“It’s like ten at night!” He exclaimed in a worried tone.

“Sorry, I was distracted” you say, gesturing to your painting. 

He sighs and walks over to you, pulling you into a hug. “You make me worry when you get that into your work” he says 

You drop your paintbrush into the jar of water so you don’t get any on him before hugging him back. “I didn’t mean to worry you”

“I know. I’m going to order pizza for you okay?” He say, leaning back to look at you.

Your face lights up. “Pizza?!” 

He shakes his head, smiling at his phone as he looks up your favourite pizza place and puts in an order.

Xiumin forces you away from the canvas when the pizza is delivered and makes you sit on the couch so you can eat. You didn’t realise how hungry you were until the smell of the pizza filled the room so you didn’t fight him as he moved you away from your painting. But before he gets a slice into your hands you get up and walk back to the painting.

“Y/n!” Xiumin says, exasperated. “Please get back here and eat”

You laugh. “Hold on I’m just turning the painting around so I can see it from a distance.”

You move the painting and walk back to sit next to Xiumin on the couch. He hands you a slice of the pizza and makes sure you start eating it before picking up a slice for himself. His eyes scan you as he slowly eats the pizza, noticing the messy hair, paint covered fingers and clothing. 

“When’s the last time you showered?” He asks, using his fingers to try and get some paint out of a loose strand of hair. 

“Uh… why? Do I smell?” You look over at him in horror.

He smiles at your distress. “You are more paint than person right now”

You put your pizza crust on the top of the pizza box and walk to the nearest mirror “Oh god. That’s embarrassing”

Xiumin cleans up the late dinner then walks over to where you are looking at yourself. “Well I better shower with you”

“What?” You almost choke on the word as you spin to look at him with wide eyes.

“There is no way you’ll get all this pain off by yourself…” he notices the way you’re looking at him. “I wont do anything weird, I just want to help”

You take a step back “w-“ you cant even find a word to express how your feeling.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asks

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea” you stammer. 

He razes an eyebrow at you before walking past you into the bathroom and turning on the shower. You stay frozen in the spot. When he walks back out of the bathroom his suite has been replaced with a towel around his hips. 

“No, no, no, no” you say as he walks towards you. 

He scoops you up like you are as light as a pillow and walks into the bathroom with you in his arms. He pulls the shower curtain back and places you under the stream of water, still fully clothed. He then drops his towel and steps in. 

“Xiumin!” You exclaim, covering your face with your hands. 

He steps close and places his hands on your hips. “Oh no, Y/n, you’ve forgotten to take your clothes off before getting in the shower” he teases. 

“You’re naked!” You say shaking your head as you lean away from him.

“Well yeah. Most people shower naked. Here, let me show you” he says, his fingers slipping under your shirt and sliding up.

You grab his arms, your eyes still shut. “Oh my god, don’t do that”

You miss the smile on his lips fade as he looks at you. “Are you afraid?”

You slowly look up at him. You shake your head slightly “I’m uncomfortable”

He lets out a breath “okay I can work with that, as long as I’m not scaring you” he pulls your glasses off and reaches out of the shower to put them down. “Is it less weird if you cant see clearly?”

“Uh… not really.” You say, squinting at him.

He pouts “but I really want to shower with you”

You push your wet hair back “ uh. Fine. Keep that away” you say waving vaguely in the direction of his penis. 

He laughs “okay ill try”

You turn around and attempt to pull your shirt off but its clinging to you because its soaked through. You feel Xiumin’s fingers on your back helping you get it off. You tense as he pulls the shirt out of your hand and tosses it out of the shower. He then unclips your bra and pulls it off in one swift movement. Your arms come up automatically to cover your exposed chest. He pulls the elastic from your messy hair so gently you hardly noticed until your hair was on your shoulders. 

He pushes your hair to the side and kisses your exposed shoulder as he reaches around you to undo the button on your pants. You turn your face away, blushing deep red. But you your surprise he doesn’t pull them off. Instead he moves so he’s pressed against your back and slides his hands under your arms to cup your breasts. You gasp in surprise and push back against him as you look down at his hands. 

“You okay with this?” He asks, his voice just barely louder than the running water.

You stare at his hands for a moment as you relax your shoulders “I think so?”

He smiles against your neck and massages your breasts gently. Your eyes flutter shut and you tip your head back against him. He hums deep in his throat and rolls your nipples between his fingers. The feeling almost makes your legs give out under you and an intense arousal awaken deep inside you. 

He gently turns you around and pushes you against the far wall before kneeling in front of you. He hooks his fingers into your pants and underwear and pull them down together. When he get them to your ankles he places his hand behind your knee and lifts one leg to pull your foot free. He repeats this with the other leg but instead of putting your foot down after removing it from the pants he hooks your knee over his shoulder. You watch him in shock as he kisses up your inner thigh. When his mouth touches your lips your eyes flutter shut and you put your arms out to hold yourself up. He licks at your clit as he pushes one finger into your core.

You moan, your hands pressing against the shower walls to keep you upright.  
“Oh! Wait Xiumin, I’m slipping” you say.

He looks up at you, pulling his hand away. And just then, your leg slides off his shoulder and you slip into his lap, banging your head on the wall on your way down. 

“Ouch” you say, eyes closed as you rub the back of your head.

“Are you alright?” Xiumin asks. 

You peak up at him and notice his posture is rigid. “I think so. You?”

“I’m not hurt.” He says, watching you with wide eyes.

You shift, trying you get off him you freeze just as his hands grab your hips to stop you. He was very turned on and now pressed against you. 

“I-it’s okay, don’t be afraid. I wont do anything.” He says, watching you, his eyes still wide.

“Oh my god” you say, hands starting to shake. His erection was against your crotch.

“No, don’t panic. I’ll move away” He says, letting go of your hips and sliding back. He put his hands over his erection to hide it from your view.

You push yourself away till your back is pressed against the wall, knees pulled together.

“T-that wasn’t meant to happen.” He says. “I got carried away once I got your pants off and wanted to please you again. I didn’t plan on touching you like that.”

You nod, not knowing what to say. 

His shoulders slump. “Now your afraid”

You stay quiet for a while but when he looks like he’s going to get out you stop him by pointing towards his hands, that were still covering his penis, and asking “is it scary?”

“My penis?” He asks, moving his hands away as he looks down at himself.

You blush and look away, causing him to cover himself again. 

“No its not scary” he says.

You bite your lip looking him over once before moving so you were sitting on your knees as well. “Will you show me how to touch you?”

His gaze went from worried to loving in a heart beat. “If you want me to”

You nod “I do, I’m just embarrassed to touch you” 

He leans in and kisses you with more passion than you’ve ever felt before. He takes your hand in his and places it on his hip. “I want you to be comfortable having your hands on me before I show you that.”

You take your hand off his hip and wrap both arms around his neck, pressing yourself against him “I love you”


	11. Chapter 11

After the shower Xiumin took you to his room. You were just in a towel because you didn’t have anything to change into in the bathroom and he lead you right to his room after blow drying your hair. He wrapped a sheet around you and pulled your towel off from under it before picking you up and placing you on the bed. He climbed on after you and pulled a second blanket over both of you. 

He tucked his arm under your head and pulled you against his side. You place your hand on his chest and look at him questioning. 

“What are you doing?” You ask softly.

He looks over at you. “Trying to keep my thoughts clean.”

“What?” 

“I want you so bad” he says, closing his eyes. “But I don’t think you’re ready to be with me yet”

You nod “so having me naked in your bed is going to help you?” 

He smiles. “No its killing me, I thought it might help you”

Your heart swells with love for this man. “you’re the nicest man on earth, you know that right?”

He smiles. 

“Alright, you have to have sex with me now” you say, blushing at your own words.

“Why? Not that I’d say no to sex with you” he asks.

“I want you to be my first and you’ve shown me you are trustworthy.” 

He frowns. “But you were so afraid when you fell in the shower” 

“Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting to be in that situation then” you say.

“Hmm” he hums. “Well I should tell you that I’m a bit of a pervert in the bedroom.”

“What do you mean?” You ask, pushing yourself up on one elbow to look at him.

“The cameras in here aren’t a hobby… they are a kink” he says.

You look at the cameras strategically placed around the room, heat crawling into your cheeks. “Y-you record … when… sex?” You mumble.

“Just the thought of being filmed during the most intimate moments turns me on” he says, watching you.

“I… I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that” you say. “Maybe we can talk about that after I’m not a virgin?”

“God I love you” he says, catching you off guard and rolling you onto your back. 

He pulls the sheet off of you and presses his body against yours, kissing your mouth, neck, and shoulders with a need that’s so intense your arousal pools in your core. You gasp at the suddenness of it all but as his hands touch and tease your body you grow more comfortable being in this position with him. 

He eventually pushes himself off of you, smiling as he looks down at you “are you okay to go further?” He asks

You nod and he reaches over to pull a condom out of the bedside drawer. He sits back on his knees, still between your legs, as he rips the condom open.

“Oh, show me how to do that” you say sitting up and taking the condom out of his hand.

He looks at you surprised for a moment before explaining how to put the condom on and guiding your hands when you get unsure. 

You blush as he slides your fingers along the length of him to roll the condom on. This was the first man you’d ever touched and although you wanted this, you were still a little shy. 

Once the condom was on right Xiumin leaned into you as he kissed you, pushing you back till you were laying on the bed again. He positioned himself at your opening and rocked his hips slowly, allowing your body to adjust to his intrusion before pushing further. It was uncomfortable and a little painful until he had you use to his full length. Then he pulled back and thrust his entire length into you. You arched your back in pleasure, your mouth open but no noise escaping. His next thrust came before you had time to process the pleasure from the first one. You gasp and he thrusts again, this time pulling a moan from you. You wrap your legs around him, your fingers digging into his back as you cling to him. 

His pace picks up and you are lost in a sea of moans and pleas. He groans in your ear and the sound of his pleasure almost tips you over the edge but he pulls out before you reach your climax. You look up at him confused.

He pulls you up so your on his lap, wrapping you arms around his neck before he enters you again, sliding in with ease. In this position your breasts bounce, causing your over-sensitive nipples to brush against his chest every time he thrusts up into you. You’re moving with him now, your body desperately asking for release.He pushes his legs against yours, opening them a little further and fucking you without mercy. Your body quakes with your orgasm and you cry out in pleasure. His climax comes shortly after yours.

You collapse against him and he holds you close as he pulls a blanket over the both of you. As you drift to sleep a thought crosses your mind, you would be in for a lot of sleepless nights with this man. And you were looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.  
> I apologize again for all the spelling mistakes. (I really need a proof reader)


End file.
